Alright, here we go. Unfortunatetly, I had a lot of problems with my webcam so the picture quality is poor and I found out afterwards that I had lost quite a few images (including the most important one, of the finished sandwich). I will make up for it by introducing the new ingredient-tans as we go along!
I am quite convinced the original Gwahaha is a classic design; it has little need for additions or alterations. So, what can we do to this sandwich to make it bold and interesting enough for this contest? Oh, I've got something very special in mind for Gwahaha-tan, believe you me.
The standard Gwahaha consists of two layers of cheese (swiss and cheddar), scrambled eggs, bacon, tuna with mayo, and of course some proper sandwich bread. It is fried in the same manner as a tuna melt but requires some multitasking to make sure everything stays hot.
Our first addition was to bring in our beloved imouto Horseradish-tan, applied liberally to each slice of bread. She'll liven things up around here!
This is her first time, so we should really be more gentle, but hopefully she'll adjust to the competition and enjoy it a bit.Alright, after I've finished frying up the Gwahahas, here's the result.
Wait a minute! These are just ordinary Gwahahas. What's so special about them?
Well, I'll tell you.
These two Gwahahas are going to be assembled into one Super Gwahaha. This means the Super Gwahaha will be
more than double the size of the original.
So what's going between these already enormous sandwiches? First of all, we've invited bacon's sexy older sister, porkchop.
The other white meat. (She tends to get around though, so make sure you cook her thoroughly...)Yes, we are sticking a fully cooked boneless porkchop right in the middle of this thing. It's been dashed with some seasoning salt, too!
But that's not all. We've also slathered it in barbecue sauce! This should produce some good contrast in flavor.
There comes a point when you have to admit that a sandwich simply has enough meat, and I'm pretty sure the Super Gwahaha has easily reached that point.
That's why we're adding a veggie! Unfortunately, the red potatoes in my pantry had been left alone too long and sprouted vines, so we'll have to go to another option: scalloped potatoes.
Just because she's a potato, don't let her simple country girl appearance fool you. She's a very naughty girl, and she can get very sloppy.Ironically, because scalloped potatoes were my one remaining option, that means the Super Gwahaha now has a fifth layer of cheese to go with it. Goddamn.
Wait a minute...
It...it can't be...
THE HEINOUS BATTERWITCH HAS HER GNARLED CLAWS IN EVERYTHING.
What do instant potatoes have to do with baked goods anyway??? How does this make sense??? Why???
WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY???==> Stuffman: Mental Breakdown.
:getdown:
THIS IS STUPID.Okay, getting back to the sandwich.
The Super Gwahaha is already an amazing construction, but it lacks that special something. That air of mystery, that sense of danger that made the original capture our hearts.
That's why we're adding...this.
Remember when I mentioned my mom sent me a load of groceries for Christmas? This is one of the things she sent: Armour brand Potted Meat. I had never heard of it, and certainly would never consider buying it. It's about the size of a can of cat food.
Now's as good a time as ever to give it a whirl. Cracking it open, I expected it to kind of like spam, but that was not the case at all. Instead, it is rather some form of gelatinous meat, as soft as warm butter. The can claims it is made of pork and chicken, and I avoid thinking about what parts of them it could be. I spread a bit of it opposite the potatoes, but certainly not the whole can.
The mystery meat. It's like a blind date. She can't be that bad, right?Finally, the sandwich is assembled. The components were cooked seperately, but I chuck it into the microwave for a bit to heat it up again.
Now, I really wish I hadn't screwed up the side picture I got of this thing, because's it's enormous. It is literally as tall as it is wide on the short side. As I sat down with a tall glass of apple juice and this monstrosity in front of me, I began to question my judgement. After all, I had difficulty finishing the original Gwahaha. This goes far, far beyond that. After setting it on my scale and adjusting for the plate, I determined that it weighed
at least two pounds.I hadn't eaten since breakfast, so I tore into it voraciously. Working on the crusts, one side at a time, I slowly made room for me to be able to start working on the porkchop (since I obviously could not fit the full width of the Super Gwahaha in one bite). I was pleased to discover that both the barbecue sauce and scalloped potatoes worked beautifully, creating enough variety of flavor to avoid getting sick on the sheer quantity of meat I was consuming.
The mystery meat, on the other hand, was...unpleasant. Like particularly pungent liquified bologna. But I didn't notice it much...at first.
Once I began chomping on the porkchop I realized my folly. While I was relieved to discover I could indeed easily chew through it, the porkchop was a far denser piece of meat than anything else in the sandwich, and it was filling me up fast. This is when I knew I was in trouble.
Here is the Super Gwahaha up to the point that I began having some discomfort in eating it; I devoured about a third of the sandwich before reaching this point. You can see a large portion of the porkchop sticking out in the middle.
As you can see, the sandwich is falling apart; four slices of bread-tan are no match for this behemoth. I briefly considered using a fork; however, I had created this sandwich with my own hands, so I knew that I must destroy it with my own hands.
After taking this picture, I set back into it.
This is where I hit the wall.
Slaying the porkchop was enough to do me in. I continued as best I could, and was left with this on my plate, unable to take another bite. Making matters worse, with the potatoes and the porkchop consumed, that left the mystery meat free to wallow in it's own overpowering flavor. This would be my undoing - every time I attempted to nibble a bit more, the faintest taste of the mystery meat would make me want to vomit.
Leaving about half the mass of a normal Gwahaha remaining, I had no choice but to take a break, and I was not able to return to the Super Gwahaha until 20 minutes later.
So near, and yet so far. I stared at the remaining bits of the sandwich, uncomprehending in how I could possibly finish the rest. I could have sworn the mystery meat was mocking me. I seriously considered throwing in the towel. And yet, it seemed to call out to me. I could sense the Super Gwahaha, torn to mere scraps, wishing for an end to our mutual misery. No meal wants to be thrown out unfinished, or reduced to mere leftovers.
After waiting another 10 minutes, I decided to finish the job.
Struggling bit by bit, at last, the beast was slain.
The final verdict? I felt confident in the design of the Super Gwahaha, but overestimated my own ability to consume it; overall it took me about 45 minutes to eat it, which is longer than it usually takes to prepare AND eat a usual meal for me. Six hours later I am still hella full. I hope I don't have a heart attack while I'm asleep D:
Anyway, the scalloped potatoes and barbecue porkchop were tasty additions. The sandwich was quite good, it was just way too much for me! Perhaps I can engineer some sort of sammich allowing scalloped potatoes and porkchop-tan to have some alone time...
In closing, I leave you
this.Your move, Hackray.
