PMiller1 Stage Nisan

[PMiller1]

A Fanfic By Me, No fluff, so that good right, I not that Good, But Hey, Enjoy.

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The Cold Colour (Cirno and Meiling)

?Look like I win again, China? said Young Witch, as ones again Hong Meiling lost in another Danmaku battle, as Marisa wan into the Scarlet Devil Mansion.

 ?Every Time, Every Time!!? Hong Meiling mentally said to herself, she shock to Scarlet Devil Mansion outer wall.

Just in time, the Chief Maid was besaid her, ?It seen that Witch...? ?Oh, Just, Stab Me Already, Sakuya? ?Alright.? and Sakuya ones again Time Stop and a Knife on the Gate guard head and Maid was nowhere seen.

?Every Time...? said Meiling, as pull out the Knife and throw it with the other entire Knife.

Unknown to the Gate guard, in one of the tree, was some well known Youkai, Rumia, Wriggle, Mystia, Daiyousei and Cirno.

?Look at her, she don?t even care.? Cirno said to her friend, ?Is that so~? ?Yell, Yeah, China have face the Black-White every day and she keep losing and every time she lost to that Witch and The Chief Maid pundit her with Stab on her head? said the Nightbug, ?It like a the endless Circle of lift, Trap to fell forever~? sing Mystia, ?It really sad for her and yet she have nothing est. to do.? Said Daiyousei, ?Just Ones I like to her win for ones, Give that Witch something coming.? Cirno said, ?Yeah, I like to see that too? said Wriggle, ?Well maybe, you can help her or something? said Rumia, all just look at her, ?Just saying... Is that so...?? ?You know, Why Not? Maybe I help, I too hate losing to her too, But with her Mover and My Strongest-niss, we can easily beat her.? said Cirno ?Tomorrow that Witch is going down!!?

Next Day.

?Another Day...? Hong Meiling mentally said to herself as she got out on her only room of her ?Home? as get her really for her duty to the Gate way to Scarlet Devil Mansion, but she didn?t supper some ice fairy hover outside the Gate, ?Um... Can I help you...??

?Not Me, But You!? said The Fairy, ?What?? ?I here to help you defeat that Black-White? ?Um... That Nice for you Cirno? said Meiling ?But I think it bet I do this myself...? ?DON?T YOU WHAT TO DEFEST HER OR NOT?? yell Cirno, ?Yeah, But don?t what you to loss too, you know.? Meiling said, ?Look we always losing to her, together we have a chant to bet her.? Said Cirno ?What you say??

?Um... Find...? give Meiling, Just then Young Witch Marisa can frying down to the Gate, ?Yo, China, May I...? said Marisa but didn?t get finish, Because Cirno but in ?No, If you want to get in, you get past us? ?Us? You and her?? Marisa count help but Laugh to this, ?Something Funny, Marisa?? said the Piss off Meiling, ?Oh... Nothing, But really, May I head...? ?NO!!? said Meiling and Cirno.

?...?

?Find, Is that the way, Then find, I great Two ageist One can a letter fun? said Marisa as she pull out her Mimi-Hakkero from her hat, as she fire a Narrow Spark at them, lucky Meiling jumg out and Cirno Dodge to the side, Meiling give Marisa an Yellow Tremor Kick and Cirno Push the Midsummer Snowman to Marisa both hit Marisa, But use a Lv2 Spellcard.

Ritual Sign [Orreries Sun]

Four multi-colored orbs float around Marisa, then she Fire the orbs at them, Meiling Dodge three orbs but one Blue orb hit her on the leg, but Cirno get hit buy red and green orbs and almost miss the Purple one, That Cirno an Lv3 Spellcard.

Cold Sign [Instant Freezing Beam]

Three Cold Ray fire out of Cirno, Freezing a pave that the Ray it, One Ray hit Marisa and another almost hit Meiling, Them Marisa have now an Lv4 Spellcard.

Love Sign [Non-Directional Laser]

Four Laser fire out of Marisa, move left and right as the Laser move with no Directional hit Meiling and Cirno allot, Give them two an Lv5 Spellcard, Meiling gave move first.

Flower Sign [Colorful Light Lotus Flower Palm]

Meiling dashes forward to Marisa hitting her in the as rainbow chi energy start hit Marisa alot weakling her, open for Cirno Spellcard,

Ice Mass [Great Crusher]

?CIRNO SMASH PUNY WEAKLING WITH GLACIER? Cirno yell out, as she gave a big hit with a big Ice Mass, defecting Marisa.

?...?

?We... We did it...? said Meiling ?We actually defected Marisa...? ?WE DID IT, WE DEFECTED MARISA? gave Cirno a one big hug, ?YEAH, WE ARE THE STRONGEST, the Strongest, the Strongest, S-T-R-O-um...-ngest.? Said Cirno, Meiling move to Marisa who just sit there, ?Look Look like I win this time, Marisa.? Said Hong Meiling, ?Yeah, we here!? said Marisa as she give her a Open Letter, ?Um... What this?? ?Read it, Meiling, You?ll love to see what it said.? ?Okay? Meiling tuck out the letter and read it said:

Dear Marisa Kirisame

Can you come over to my place; I have some Book that you may like and I really like to talk to about someone and may need your help, Koa not feeling to way, even for a Devil, and well I really like you around me to have some Company and all.

Your Friend:

Patchouli Knowledge

?Oh...? said Meiling, ?P.S.? said Patchouli who was right behind her ?If the foulness Gate guard wouldn?t let you and yet somehow win, I will have to deader with her right about NOW!!?

?Um... I don?t see that on the Letter.? Said Cirno.

?I know.? Said Patchouli as she pulls out an Lv5 Spellcard.

Sun Sign [Royal Flare]

THE END

[PMiller1]

You I was hope for some reply, But Come ON!!

Well here is another one.

--

Kitten and her Knight (Chen and Alice)

?Yon-jū Hachi!! Where are you?? Chen said as she looked for Kitten Yon-jū Hachi, her 48th kitten.  Chen looked all around, but couldn't seem to find her with all the other kittens and that really worried her.

?Yon-jū Hachi come out wherever you...? ?Look for this, Kitten?? side someone who was holding Yon-jū Hachi, an Dog Youkai to more like and he wasn?t alone, four other Inumimi was beside him.

?Put her Down, Lup? said Chen, ?Come now Chen, We just want some snack for them and I.? Said Lup, ?Hehe Yeah Snack.? Said one Inumimi, ?I told you, I not give you any of my Kitten, If you Inumimi really that Hungry, I could ask Yukari for some free human form...? ?We don?t some Human, we want some cute and tasty.? Said Lup, ?Yeah, Cute and Tasty? said the same Inumimi, ?Okay, Catelus shut it? ?Sorry.? Said Catelus, ?You sick, you know that?? Chen said to them, ?Well we are Youkai after all, Now gave us all you other kitten.?

With Chen use one her Spellcard.

Heaven Sign [Immortal Sage's Rumbling]

Chen roll kick Lup, free Yon-jū Hachi on her arms, as bullets as Lup, as Chen out of Mayohiga to the Forest of Magic, ?Don?t just stand there get them, The Nekomata is mind.?

Chen didn?t know how fair she ran, but have to fair away from them, if only tell ran about this, but haven?t get Strength to tell, now run for her life and Yon-jū Hachi?s life too, she ran so fast that trip on a tree brand, ?Meow!!? yell Chen in pain and the Inumimi was caching up to her and she was already weak from the running.

The Four Inumimi with Catelus in the fount of the three, ?Tare, Tare it all be over so...?

Magic Sign [Artful Sacrifice]

One of the Inumimi got hit by an exploding doll.

?Pavel!? said Catelus, the Inumimi notes around that was an Amy of Dolls arm with Sword and Spears, ?Carp, they allot of them... Let got out of here.? As Catelus and other carry the knock out Inumimi and high tail.

?You?re Okay, Young One?? said the Hero who happens to be Alice Margatroid, ?Um... Yeah... Think... Miss Alice.? Said Chen, ?Can?t manhunt it, I just think you need some help from them, come I have first age for you leg and I was think going to Hakurei shrine any who, I sari I can tell Yukari about this, ?Um... Yeah, Miss Alice, Oh and Yon-jū Hachi come to?? ask Chen, ?I don?t see why not, yeah he can come.?

At Night.

?You fool, I ask to do one thing and you still fell at.? Lup Yell to other Inumimi, ?Sorry Boss? all the Inumimi said, ?Hey Bondhead!!? ?WHAT?!?

What thay not just Chen, But Alice Margatroid, a piss off Ran Yakumo and Yukari Yakumo, ?I take it they the one? said Yukari, ?Yep, All five of them?

?Oh C-

Doll [Lemming's Parade]
Obsolete Line [Trip to the Abandoned Station]

THE END

--

I hope get some REPLY.

[Caber Knight Etch-A-Sketch]

Nice, I look forward to more of your work.

[Hideki]

I like your stories, but the way you lay it out disrupts the flow.  For example, a big problem I notice is that you tend to have multiple people speaking per paragraph.  That makes it hard to see who's speaking at a time.  Instead of doing that, split up dialogue so that only one person speaks per paragraph. 

Another thing is that you should read over what you wrote and make sure that you used the correct word in context.  An example:

?Yon-jū Hachi!! Where are you? said Chen who was look for Kitten Yon-jū Hachi her 48th she find so fare and can?t seen find, she was with all the other kitten and really worry her.

I can see the idea behind the phrase, but the wording makes it hard to read.  "fare" should be "far", you're missing punctuation at the end of "you", "can't seen" should be "couldn't seem", and other errors.  A better way to phrase it would be:

?Yon-jū Hachi!! Where are you?? Chen said as she looked for Kitten Yon-jū Hachi, her 48th kitten.  Chen looked all around, but couldn't seem to find her with all the other kittens and that really worried her.

All in all, it's a nice start, but you need to watch your grammar as well. 

[PMiller1]

Yeah, I really need work on my Grammar. ^^;

[PMiller1]

Thank you for the Tip Hideki101

--

The Reading Sparrow (Mystia and Keine)

?Can you teach me how to read?? was the first that Keine didn?t except the so call night sparrow to say to her.

?Well will you??

?Um... Why do you want me to teach you how to read Now! Mystia?? Keine ask,
?Because every time I always get in trouble, because of my lack of Reading.? Said Mystia.

?Really, Could you tell me some of your troubles Mystia?? ask Keine.

?Well...?

E.g. 01

?Okay, You dumb Bird, do you have any idea what this say?? ask Reimu,
?Um... Not really? said Mystia,
?It said ?Donations Box? not ?A Bin? you put money in a donations box and you don?t set fire on it even for a Bins!? yell Reimu, who was piss off from the now on fire Donations Box.

E.g. 02

?Eat this 9 Team? said Okuu
☢ CAUTION ☢ CAUTION ☢
?Crap, Run? said Cirno,
?Why?? ask Mystia,
?Are you net, didn?t you notes the Big Caution Sing?? said Wriggle,
?What Caution Si-
Explosion Sign [Mega Flare]

E.g. 03

?Come back, Night sparrow? said an Hungry Yuyuko,

?Arrr... Why you didn?t say she was coming? Mystia said to Youmu,
?I did, didn?t you get my letter?? said Youmu,
?Yeah?
?And did you read it?? ask Youmu,
?I just hope I still Tastes like Nuclear...?

E.g. 04

?So, what does that button do?? Mystia ask Nitori,
?No!! That the-
BOOM
-Optical Water Bomb.? Said Nitori.

E.g. 05

?Look, Look, how should know I shouldn?t be around here? said Mystia who was hiding from Yuka,
?You?re hiding behind the ?Keep Out! Sing?? said Yuka,
?Oh...? said Mystia ?Um... want a Three-some with Wriggle?
?Sorry, you?re not my type? said Yuka.
Solar Sign [Master Spark]

End E.G.

?... I see? said Keine who was shock by the Flash Back ?Well, I thank give you some Literature to help you read, can you do that??
?I can try.? Said Mystia,
?Good? said Keine as she got up and find to book that she easy real,
?Are, Here one, ?The little Miss Miko?? Keine said hand out the book.

?Okay here go nothing...? said Mystia ?Um... Th... arr... thi... ssss.... This? This? Yeah This... i... i... ssss... I can?t do this?
?Come on You the first one right keep on going?
?alright. Um... This iiiiiii... is? This is? This is Lllll...?

*One Hour*
 ?Mi... Miko? Yeah that it, This is little Miss Miko.? Said Mystia,
?Oh you got them, good work.? Said Keine,
?Really that was so bad.? Said Mystia, ?Now, let try the next page? said Keine as tune the next page, ?Oh... Good...?

*Next Hour*
?Shrine! She work at the Shrine.? Mystia read,
?Good? said Keine, ?Oh beat you again book this all you-? Keine tune the next page ?-got?? said Mystia ?This is going to be long day?

THE END FOR NOW

--

I hope you can see what did that. 

[PMiller1]

The Pink Rain (Kogasa and Ichirin)

?Boo!? Kogasa said to unsurprised Inumimi with holding some buy meat for the clan,
?Um... That Nice, I really have to go to my clan they are really Hungry, I have being that meat before that go Cannibalism.? Said Pavel,
?You?re really not surprised?? ask Kogasa,
 ?Nop? as Pavel walk off.

?Arr That 5th one this week, I got at least surprised someone? said Kogasa unknown to karakasa was an young Buddhist nun who seen to sit on a Pink Cloud,
?Look at her, she wouldn?t surprised anyone if she doing like that?? said Ichirin
?Yeah... But still you got to feel sorry her.?
?Unzan, she can?t get raft for the umbrella, she is the umbrella.?
?I know you were just saying?
?How would acting surprised help her??
?Wait... You said I should help her??
?How??
?You know, that can really work, Thank Unzan you a really big help, sometime I get feeling talking to tine air? said Ichirin,
?Yeah, you really need to work on that Girl? said Koishi who just frying by.

Kogasa was looking for another one, until notes someone behind her,
?Um... What are you doing??
?What you know, you can see form that Eye?
?...?
?Any who, Me and Unzan was think about help you surprised someone, You know you?re not doing a good job by yourself.? Said Ichirin,
?Well... Okay... Some help wouldn?t hurt...? said Kogasa,
?Oh someone is coming, You do you thing and give you a boost.? Said Ichirin
?Okay? as Ichirin hide from upcome Youkai, who happen to Cirno and Mystia who was hold a ?The little Miss Miko? Book.

?Do... Do...? ?It said
?Donations? She like often Donations, How is it that Hard, Even I can understand what it said.? Said Cirno,
?So have was China?? ask Mystia,
?Oh we best the Black Witch, But the Book Witch best us.?
?Why?? ask Mystia,
?Just Tune the Next Page?

?Hello? said Karakasa,
?Um... Hey? said the two,
?Um... Hold on... Ugugugu?
?...?
?Really? That the best you can come up-
Iron Fist [An Unarguable Youkai Punch]
WWWWWIIIIITTTTTHHHHHH??!!!!!? said Cirno who fry in to the sky by an Unzan?s Bro Fist,
?What was THAT for?? said Mystia and Kogasa,
?Was you surprised?? ask Ichirin,
?Well YEAH!!? said Mystia and Kogasa,
?Then My work here is done, you?re welcome Kogasa? said Ichirin walking off,
?Isn?t that surprised thing you kind of Job?? ask Mystia,
?Some time, I don?t even known...?

Meanwhile.

Reimu walk home only to seen an ice fairy crested on the new Donations Box,
?I just have that Donations Box...? said Reimu ?O Cirno?
?Ug... What... What going on-
[Fantasy Heaven]

THE END

Oh and I working on an next one all about Meira and Marisa (The 5 Magic Stones is more like a thing and wouldn't work.)