Let's make up some stupid theories!

[Stuffman]

ITT, post some stupid theories. These are theories you don't actually think are true, merely that they'd be interesting/entertaining if they were. (PROTIP: If you respond to somebody's theory explaining why it's incorrect, you are missing the point.)

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While it is stated canonically that Alice manually controls each and every doll, Alice's dolls are still somewhat autonymous, able to do things like muttering amongst themselves and notice things Alice does not.

The truth is that Alice is able to compartmentalize her mind; Alice assigns a tiny part of her brain to each doll, so the dolls really do have their own minds, they just happen to be pieces of Alice's mind. Of course, they won't do anything that would go against Alice's will - it's her brain, after all. So basically, though limited in function, she can maintain about two dozen streams of consciousness at once. (Friends? Who needs friends when you can make your own!?)

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While the PC-98 Touhou games do occur before the Windows Touhou games chronologically, they do not occur in the same place. PC-98 Gensokyo and Windows Gensokyo are actually alternate realities. PC-98 Gensokyo is mostly the same as Windows Gensokyo, except there are no spellcard rules and the humans in the outside world are far more advanced (hence Yumemi).

It's the same Makai in either case though, and you can reach either Gensokyo from it. Reimu and Marisa have alternates in each Gensokyo, but Alice from Mystic Square is the same person; she traveled to Windows Gensokyo and mistook Reimu and Marisa for their PC-98 counterparts. Yuka travels between both Gensokyos and Makai freely, doing whatever the fuck she wants. (Hence, Mugenkan only exists in PC-98 Gensokyo.)

You won't see Mima again; she's too badass for the pansy nonlethal spellcard bullshit in Windows Gensokyo.

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Long ago, the nefarious vampire Count Vlad Tepes Dracula gathered up all the world's legendary weapons and kept them in his castle(vania) of chaos. Since then, the weapons have been passed down, and are now largely in the possession of various noble vampires. This is why Remilia has Gungnir and Flandre has Laevatain.

Scrubs like Kurumi don't get any.

[Pesco]

Scrubs like Kurumi don't get any.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

One of Purv's favourite: Kisume is the (lost/abandoned?) child of Komachi and Siki.

From one of Zakeri's fics from long ago: Meiling and Eirin are the same person.

[Helepolis]

Remember how everybody thinks Yukari is the ruler, the goddess, the all time youkai? WRONG

Yukari fears in fact Tewi. Because Tewi has been the ancient earth rabbit living for a long time. Her long lifespan isn't because she is simply smart. She is basically a dreadful person to have as an enemy. Tewi's underlings, raid the human village daily to collect " protection money ". Any human with a shop not giving will get their stores trashed.

Tewi also forces Yukari to make her travel between Makai, Gensokyo and the real world so she can collect money inside the human world as well. You think the Mafia are humans? No, they are actually all underlings of her. Al Capino was another underling. Even today's Mafia are all underlings of her. The entire Eientei runs on money being scammed, collected from these  cases.

So before anybody else says: Yukari == Maribel == dunnotherulerofGensokyo etc, think again. She is not.

[Forte Blackadder]

Yukari was born as a noble girl in middle age in the UK, named Violetta. She had the ability of gapping stuffs so was forced into Hogwarts. There, she met Layla, a physically weak girl but had a strong mind. Together they become a duo that Fred and George would yearn for marriage. Anyway, Layla passed away when they were in the 7th year. Yukari wanted to revive her best friend so bad but couldn't. Even though she was known as the Heaad Girl of Ravenclaw, Yukari  could only find that "a way may exist in the East". So, she travelled there.

And you should already guessed, Yukari met Yuyuko, but failed to save her friend once again. In despair, Yukari killed everything she saw, included The Tailed Beasts, sealed them away. Yukari also kicked a blonde ninja into Kyuubi's body to make sure the Fox give birth to a stronger child and has a human-shaped body. That little thing was named Ran and became Yukari's pet.

Yukari went everywhere in Japan, honing her skills and gradually mastered the gaps. Her pet, Ran, bit some dog youkai and absorbed their power, she also accidentally swallowed something called "The Jewel of Four Souls" and  thus defeated one stronger youkai at the time, Naraku. After that, Ran finally gained the title "Yakumo" and became Yukari's right hand, her shikigami/slave in other words.

Tired of Japan, Yukari went to the neighbor country, China. Seeing there was a civil war, Yukari played around by disguising herself as a maid, called "Diaochan". With her beauty, she had the mightiest warlord, Lu Bu, in her hand and created chaos. Also in this time, she met Ibuki Suika, an oni who wanted nothing but feasts and wine. They became friends, not so close, but still good friends. Suika told Yukari that if one eats a phoenix, one can defeat death. Yukari mistook that with "reviving the death" due to the amount of wine they drank, so she instantly departed.

The phoenix was found after quite a long time, but after eating half of it, Yukari realized it only made her immortal, so she gave up, threw the other half fired bird to a nearly-starving kid nearby, who happened to be Fujiwara no Mokou. Mokou was very appreciated this, and told Yukari everything of her past, which I believe all of you already knew. Yukari thought if the Lunarians could make the immortal medicine, they might have the medicine to revive the dead, therefore, she went to the Moon, with 300 Spartans, just in case.

The Lunar Capital didn't really like the young earthling, especially when she stated "If you don't help me revive my friends, I will never leave!". Because if you translate that into Lunarian, it's something not very nice. The Head of Geniuses Squad, Yagokoro Eirin, agreed that Yukari needed to be defeated, so a war had begun.

Of course, Yukari couldn't do anything against the whole Lunar Army, with light sabers and nukes, so she retreated like a coward, back to Earth.

I suppose you know the rest.

[soloista]

The Moriya Shrine's long term plan is not to just turn Sanae away from being human and toward being a full fledged god.

Their plans reach far ahead up to emigrating into space, building colonies and eventually settling on other planets. It is probable that they will settle on Ganymede and then spread out over to Europa and Callisto.

Imagine now that the Moriya gods having three worlds worth of faith going to them. What if they took over Mars? That's a helluva lot of faith goin' around.


What? Did you really think the phrase Youkai Modern Colony was just in passing?

[Tengukami]

Heh, neat thread idea. Copying this over from the "possibly-crazy stuff you didn't notice" thread:

Originally, the tiger was only somewhat related to Bishamonten, but became even more relevant when the Buddhist groups in Asuka period, Shoutoku taishi and Soga shi, subdued the anti-Buddhist group Mononobe shi because Bishamonten appeared in front to support them at the hour of the tiger on the day of the tiger in the year of the tiger (寅の年、寅の日、寅の刻) of the Chinese zodiac. [Emphasis added.]

The Mononobe clan (物部氏 Mononobe uji?) was a Japanese clan of the Kofun period, known for its military opposition to the Soga clan. The Mononobe were opposed to the spread of Buddhism, not on religious grounds, but more so as the result of feelings of conservatism and a degree of xenophobia. The Nakatomi clan, ancestors of the Fujiwara, were allies with the Mononobe in this. [Emphasis added.]

Shou, as a Bishmonten herself, hates Mokou. Were they to ever meet, Mokou would forget about her feud with Kaguya and engage in eternal struggle with Shou. Kaguya, being immortal and prone to boredom, needs Mokou to fight with her. So Kaguya is preventing Mokou and Shou from ever meeting. How, you ask?

Just as Kaguya was able to hide Eientei from the Lunarians and create a fake moon in its place, Kaguya has created a barrier surrounding the entire Bamboo Forest. To those inside, events outside the forest remain unchanged. To those outside, events inside the forest remain unchanged. In this way, Mokou and Shou will never learn of each others' existences unless either Shou enters the forest or Mokou leaves it. Fortunately, Kaguya's army of rabbits is preventing this from ever happening.

[日巫子]

Rinnosuke is a were-hakutaku.

Mima is Sanae from the future.

Star Sapphire is Kaguya's child.

[Iryan]

The very first touhou game has Reimu beating up an angel. Clearly ZUN is a satanist.


The plot of Mystic Square and the entirety of the Windows games is just an illusion. In reality, Reimu got defeated by Mugetsu and Gengetsu in LLS Extra and has been trapped in her own dream ever since.

[三重階乗]

Made one a while back on a Cute Devil ~ Innocence remix video

"You value your opponent's life too much, Shrine Maiden. Do you not realize that if you die in this dream world you die for real as well? Your soul will be trapped here for eternity, never to receive a judgement! This kind of mercy in a matter of life and death makes me sick... DIE ONE THOUSAND DEATHS! BULLET! HELL!! MURDER!!!"

After the near-death experience that followed, the most important of the then-WIP Spell Card Rules was created: "If victorious against a human, you may not kill them."

Just something I made to make Gengetsu seem more important than she probably is.

[OkashiiKisei]

The four main characters all conserve their power in some way so they can keep on going through six+ stages of bullet hell without rest:

Reimu needs to use less energy to fly because her innate ability is that of flight.

Marisa also uses up less energy to fly bu using a broom instead of flying under her own power.

Sakuya uses knives instead of magic blasts and bullets to conserve her energy.

Sanae accesses the power of her two deities to fire danmaku so she can conserve her own strength.

All the main characters only use normal bullets and single bomb spellcards to battle, since using huge boss spellcards would use up too much energy. If they kept using their full power the whole time they'd all drop exhausted around stage 4 or 5. Reimu/Marisa went all out in IN stage 4 because they thought the player were to blame for the incident, so they went all out to defeat the incident causer. They can't pull this off once they reach the final boss since they've already used up much of their power in the previous stages. Extra/Phantasm boss battles are very long, so they'll have to conserve their power again to make it through the entire battle.

[Esoterica]

Fairies are actually a byproduct of Eirin's experiments on humans/lunarians when trying to perfect the Hourai Elixir before giving it to Kaguya.  This is why they can regenerate from nothing.  As a side effect, they grew wings and became incredibly stupid.

[Sabino]

A statement that I read on a certain doujin (Or was it a thread about Eirin?) and found it neat;

"Why does Eirin, who's actually a few billion years old and is an extra-terrestrials, look like a human?"
"Wrong, it's humans that evolved to look like them. Guess who made it go like that."

[Tengukami]

I actually rather like that, Sabino.

[OkashiiKisei]

A statement that I read on a certain doujin (Or was it a thread about Eirin?) and found it neat;

"Why does Eirin, who's actually a few billion years old and is an extra-terrestrials, look like a human?"
"Wrong, it's humans that evolved to look like them. Guess who made it go like that."

This is the best one yet.

[Bias Bus]

Not really all that much but...

Kikuri is actually the size, scale and shape of the moon. In fact, Kikuri can be said to be the only form of a "celestial body" that Jigoku has, so she is not only seen as the Hell Moon, but also the Hell Sun as well.

Murasa is also a simplified form of Charybdis

[Toasty]

Sana->Renko->Maribel->Yukari

In PoDD, PC98 Reimu actually lost to Yumemi and thus had to come with her for experiments. She obliged, but made sure to hide the fact very well as to prevent word getting out that the main character could loose a fight. A few years later, PC98 reimu died from cancer contracted on the Space Time Probability Vessel, which was mainly Chiyuri's fault for messing with the machinery. After learning of this through Ruukoto, Yumemi built a Reimu android and set it free in Gensyoko. Amazingly, noone knew the difference. Rather, it was never thought Reimu was dead at all, as firstoff, noone visited the shrine to A: Check on her, or B: Donate, and second, none of her friends wished to incur her rage via means of bringing an abrubt end to the nap of the century.

Anyways, this new Reimu had a slightly different appearance (namely black hair over purple) as Yumemi had a strange form of colorblindness (later fixed with a pair of mismatched artificial eyes, which almost earned her a spot in a TV drama starring dolls), but, the residents of Gensyoko thought Reimu either gave up on a dye job or started on one. This is also related to Reimu's repetitve behaviour (Youkai->Shoot->Proceed) and thus the repetitive pattern of many of the games she is in, as well as her weird dialogue (preprogammed by Yumemi herself), as well as her skin color changing, as artificial skin degrades on occasion and must be repaired. Luckily, we have our behind the scenes persocom _{or was she a} sex doll _{nevermind let's go with} Robo-Maid ruukoto to perform maintenance. Too bad she forgets on occasion.

This forgetfulness has prompted Yumemi to come back to Gensyoko to repair that glitchy bitch. However, Yumemi is forgetful herself and has a horrible sense of direction, which is why we won't be seeing her as the Touhou final boss for quite a while.

In the end, Reimu = Robot, Desu = Yumemi = Sana

From which we can conclude that Sana is indeed, as I suspected, Suiseiseki. And that Reimu is a robot, can't forget that, I think.

Yumemiyoulostme.jpg.

[Marin The Magus]

Gensokyo actually exists!! IT DOES!!
And how is it that there is a game about it? Well...
One day, Renko and I found ZUN's home. Of course, he was drunk, so we couldn't ask many things that day. And so, we stayed and drank sake and beer with him. The next morning, we asked him how did he get the inspiration to make a touhou game, and he told us that an old hag and weird woman named Yukari comes to tell him stories very often. That's why there is so much irregularity in the time between the games, that excuse that he puts is false. We asked him why did he take so long to put her in the game, and he said that it would be too obvious. Finally, we asked him about the most important thing: Why did he put us as the protagonist of some CD's, and he said "Yukari told me to" and we both exclaimed
"DAMMIT, YUKARI!" (That was because we were victims of fandom since that day)

[Tengukami]

Gensokyo actually exists!! IT DOES!!

Of course it does; this isn't silly or stupid at all.

[Toasty]

I can't wait for someone to register as Renko and completely disregard everything Mary said. :V

[Esoterica]

I can't wait for someone to register as Renko and completely disregard everything Mary said. :V

in b4 cirnofan reincarnation #3

[axman36]

What ever happened to the Dragon God? Well one day he found a young witch girl named Ellen. He fell in love with the girl and her child like charm. So he took the form of a cat and went to her. She fell in love with the cat on first sight and took care of it, always keeping him close.

When she was deciding what to name the cat, the Dragon God influenced the idea of "Socrates," a philosopher who he particularly liked. Of course, as foolish as ever Ellen named him with a k instead of a c, but the Dragon God kept the name anyhow. The Dragon God granted Ellen eternal youth and immortality along with her new powers in Gensokyo. All of her powers are directly derived from him.

One day, he took Ellen on a visit to the Outside World. As they were going about the beautiful modern cities, one Izumi Takemoto saw the pair, and suddenly, inspiration struck. Due to this incident, the Dragon God believed it was thus best to avoid getting himself and Ellen involved in Outside World business again in fear of being discovered.

[Marin The Magus]

wah...? IT IS TRUE!! Everyone calls me crazy...
...
She does it pretty often... xD
She would say "Mary, it was JUST A DREAM" and I would say "Why can't we believe that we dream a life and live a dream?" and she would stare at me confused TT

[Lord Phantasm Satori]

Meira is actually Reimu from the future!

[Savory]

Yuyuko's favorite food is a grilled Mystia, lightly killed and flavored with Mokou spices, with a side of delicate, tangy Wriggle sauce and baked Aki Sisters on the side.

[OkashiiKisei]

Gensokyo actually exists!! IT DOES!!

Mary, dear, this thread is about theories, not facts. :3

[Marin The Magus]

It just that no one would believe me here...*sniff*
Well, I just need to go to japan and search for it with my special eyes, WHO'S WITH ME?

[Tengukami]

I don't think I can get the time off, unfortunately.

Also:

The Moriya Shrine incident was a fabrication. In reality, Kanako had previously approached Reimu with the idea that she could bring up donations by making some alarmist claim that a mysterious stranger representing a god of mountains demanded she close the shrine. Kanako benefited from the publicity, as did Reimu. Marisa was out of the loop, but everyone the two encounter all the way up Youkai Mountain is in on it.

[FinnKaenbyou]

ZUN is trying to foreshadow Marisa turning into a magician - the race, not the occupation.

She had the conversation about it with Byakuren in UFO, and now her humanity has caused her to struggle even against Cirno. Youkai power looks set to draw her in pretty soon...

[soloista]

Most of you may not know this, but I am putting all my theories to use.


The Dragon god as we think it is to be is actually a massive flying fortress with a dragon's head on the bow. It is an elaborate ruse by Celestials manning the helm and heart of the fortress (called the Dragon Palace)  to scare all youkai into compliance.

Of course, to be believable, the fortress is not as squat-proportioned like in the picture. It is far more elongated and sort of decorated along its bottom to look reasonably convincing.

These Celestials are the politican-class among Celestials, like patricians lording over the proles.

The realms of the Celestials exist to hide the fact that the Dragon God is a ruse. Almost everyone by now is not aware of the ruse except for that very cabal at the core.

When certain conditions are fulfilled, the "Dragon God" will decide "flaming judgment" on the earth below. In other words, bombardment and glassing. Ever heard of the Fall of Reach?

[Lord Phantasm Satori]

Most of you may not know this, but I am putting all my theories to use.


The Dragon god as we think it is to be is actually a massive flying fortress with a dragon's head on the bow. It is an elaborate ruse by Celestials manning the helm and heart of the fortress (called the Dragon Palace)  to scare all youkai into compliance.

Of course, to be believable, the fortress is not as squat-proportioned like in the picture. It is far more elongated and sort of decorated along its bottom to look reasonably convincing.

These Celestials are the politican-class among Celestials, like patricians lording over the proles.

The realms of the Celestials exist to hide the fact that the Dragon God is a ruse. Almost everyone by now is not aware of the ruse except for that very cabal at the core.

When certain conditions are fulfilled, the "Dragon God" will decide "flaming judgment" on the earth below. In other words, bombardment and glassing. Ever heard of the Fall of Reach?

okay, alot of these are stupid, but this one takes the cake. nice going!

ZUN is trying to foreshadow Marisa turning into a magician - the race, not the occupation.

She had the conversation about it with Byakuren in UFO, and now her humanity has caused her to struggle even against Cirno. Youkai power looks set to draw her in pretty soon...

I happen to like this one! it's quite possible that marisa will become a magician. she and alice would be all the more alike! :V