
"Alright, so here we are looking at some fresh talent straight out of season 12. This here is Shoto Ramaru, one of the defenders every coach seems to be hailing as the next big thing. Really, though, her whole gameplan runs on one big gimmick - the lasers start here and here, but then BAM! Suddenly they're curving in and you've got a poor shrine maiden sitting on 4th and 20 with no idea what the hell's going on.
Coaches are gonna be giving their teams special training to deal with this one, Bob. Girl's good at faking out chargers, but when it comes down to it she leaves herself wide open. See this right here? Big, BIG mistake. This strategy's gonna do her good for a few months, maybe, but I don't see her staying up in the top ranks when season 13 comes around."
(This is what happens when a non-American who knows nothing about American football tries this.)