Maidens of the Kaleidoscope

~Hakurei Shrine~ => Patchouli's Scarlet Library => Topic started by: Chibi-Reaper on October 22, 2010, 03:51:00 AM

Title: Abducted by Oni.
Post by: Chibi-Reaper on October 22, 2010, 03:51:00 AM
Wavered, but was convinced to go ahead and bring it in. Dumping a lot of chapters now, so keep in mind it's not neccessary to read it all at once. Further chapters will be edited in as I write them, and I'll post a notification.

Prequel arc- Carried Off.

Chapter 1: In which the respective focal characters are introduced, the Hero must charm his way out of a rough spot whilst under the influence, and a startling drug-dependency is both revealed and summarily ignored. (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5867091/1/Carried_Off)

Chapter 2: In which there is a brief confrontation with a bear, followed by breakfast and appallingly poor etiquette, itself followed by a candid discussion fueled by alcohol, the loosener of tongues. (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5867091/2/Carried_Off)

Chapter 3: In which stormclouds threaten, a series of unexpected encounters ensue, as does experimentation. (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5867091/3/Carried_Off)

Chapter 4: In which the heroine dreams, a conspiracy comes to fruiton, a betrayal most foul is attempted, and a tender moment is shared. (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5867091/4/Carried_Off)

Main arc, Away to Neverland.

Chapter 1: In which the Hero sends a letter to his Mother, followed by unexpected interference. A crisis of ethics is averted by the Heroine, and deaths ensue. (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6036571/1/Away_to_Neverland)

Chapter 2: In which a new character is introduced, with associated irritations, and our protagonists enter Gensokyo. It proves to be quite cold, and efforts to alleviate that frustration cause complications when a new player enters the stage. (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6036571/2/Away_to_Neverland)

Chapter 3: In which Housework is Detailed, and an experiment fails rather spectacularly on the part of our Hero. (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6036571/3/Away_to_Neverland)

Chapter 4: In which further experimentation leads to injury, a secret is divulged, and a routine task leads to unexpected results. (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6036571/4/Away_to_Neverland)

Chapter 5: In which an alliance is discussed, Yukari meddles, and our Hero avenges himself through deceptive wordplay, culminating in a rather bizarre punishment. (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6036571/5/Away_to_Neverland)

Chapter 6: In which a warm moment is thoroughly misinterpreted, and further experimentation neccessitates significant household remodeling. Further, a forgotten figure plots. (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6036571/6/Away_to_Neverland)

Chapter 7: In which battle erupts in a distant land, plans are made, and previous advice is acted upon. (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6036571/7/Away_to_Neverland)

Chapter 8: In which the plot begins to show traces of itself, an offer is rebuffed, and farewells are made. (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6036571/8/Away_to_Neverland)

Chapter 9: In which the Hero Of Justice makes his debut, there is a sleepover in the Bamboo Forest, and Tactical Issues are discussed in all seriousness. (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6036571/9/Away_to_Neverland)

Chapter 10: In which there is a bizarre magical coincidence, followed by a very frosty competition, and the Hero is lead onward to his destination. (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6036571/10/Away_to_Neverland)

Chapter 11: In which the plot thickens, a challenge is made, and battle ensues. (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6036571/11/Away_to_Neverland)

Chapter 12: In which a hidden past is revealed, a tasteless jest is made at the Hero's expense, and the gate swings shut. (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6036571/12/Away_to_Neverland)

Chapter 13: In which further Actions of Yukari are discovered, a brief discussion is harshly punctuated, and a cliche plays out in less than the typical fashion. Elsewhere, a young girl is proven innocent of accidental murder. (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6036571/13/Away_to_Neverland)

Chapter 14: In which there is a significant amount of irrelevant chatter, and a tense struggle comes to an unexpected end. (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6036571/14/Away_to_Neverland)

Chapter 15: In which a tea party is had, and a sickly woman adjourns from breakfast. (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6036571/15/Away_to_Neverland)

Chapter 16: In which the lovely shrine maiden of paradise interrupts storytime. (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6036571/16/Away_to_Neverland)
Title: Re: Abducted by Oni.
Post by: Dan-Heron on October 22, 2010, 04:06:36 AM
ah, good to see you finally decided to post this one here too.

Haven't reviewed all chapters, but I do keep up with this story.

I do have to mentioin that it cracked me up the way the latest chapter ended. You had dropped hints here and there, but it still came as a very nice surprise. It almost read as a scene out of a doujin.
Title: Re: Abducted by Oni.
Post by: Chibi-Reaper on October 22, 2010, 04:13:11 AM
That was a part of what I was going for, yes.

Incidentally, artists take note. You have it confirmed from a second source. Picture-worthy. Hint-hint, nudge-nudge, wink-wink, knowwhatImean? Say no more, say no more.
Title: Re: Abducted by Oni.
Post by: Esifex on October 22, 2010, 04:31:58 AM
Quote from: Chibi-Reaper on October 22, 2010, 04:13:11 AM
Incidentally, artists take note. You have it confirmed from a second source.
A lot of the works in here would be awesome if an artist decided to sketch it out into a doujin, but unfortunately the artists here don't tend to do such huge workloads. They're all too busy throwing frat parties in AAA.

Quote
Picture-worthy. Hint-hint, nudge-nudge, wink-wink, knowwhatImean? Say no more, say no more.

+1 internets for Monty Python reference, ilu
Title: Re: Abducted by Oni.
Post by: Chibi-Reaper on October 22, 2010, 04:38:54 AM
And I have much loving to give in turn, comrade! Or inappropriate molestations. The authorities, they are always reminding me that there is a difference, but my mind, it is like a sieve of waters in the desert of distractions. Accept my indiscriminately offered love!
Title: Re: Abducted by Oni.
Post by: nolrai2 on October 22, 2010, 11:15:43 PM
Read these back when the first one only had 3 chapters.

Very glad it kept going.
Title: Re: Abducted by Oni.
Post by: Chibi-Reaper on October 22, 2010, 11:31:12 PM
At this point, I'm pretty sure that if I tried to completely stop writing it, the thing would coagulate into a formless entity of madness somewhere beyond the depths of existence and rip its way through time, space, and reality itself to come punch me in the face.

Which, on many levels, would be pretty neat in and of itself, but I just don't want to bother with that kind of hassle when I'm having roughly the same amount of fun writing it. Now, if I could be guaranteed it would bring cake along as well, that might be another story, but I have been duly and repeatedly informed that the cake is a lie. Shame.

Remember kids, Just say 'No' to Cthulhu!
Title: Re: Abducted by Oni.
Post by: nolrai2 on October 23, 2010, 12:53:58 AM
But he says he has candy in the back of the van. Candy!
Title: Re: Abducted by Oni.
Post by: Chibi-Reaper on October 23, 2010, 01:20:27 AM
Candy? Well in that case, this tentacled monstrosity in an overcoat seems legit. I'll just adjourn to the van, with it's tinted windows, and enjoy the sugary goodness that... wait, this is candy corn.  Never mind then.
Title: Re: Abducted by Oni.
Post by: Iced Fairy on October 23, 2010, 05:38:35 PM
Well I read through this, and due to my lack of familiarity with Ranma details*, I was able to take it easy and enjoy it as it came.  Good detox reading.  I especially like your action scenes.

Only major critique I have is with Marisa's speech impediment.  It makes it painful to read the text and doesn't convey her speech properly at all.  Don't know if you read Japanese, but to give you an idea she doesn't use the ze ending anywhere in the first 3 stanges of UFO.

*Or maybe that wouldn't have changed anything.  Hard to say with Rumiko Takahashi.

(Oh and thanks for the plug in the authors notes.  I'm honored.)
Title: Re: Abducted by Oni.
Post by: Chibi-Reaper on October 23, 2010, 09:55:35 PM
Oh, yeah, the 's' thing. Well, that was because I don't actually play as her much, and when I do I've never seen it, but when I flip through booru's and whatnot that freaking 'ze' is everywhere I turn. And I just don't like it for some reason, so I looked for an alternative.

What I was going for was a cheesy mafioso type of accent, like she should be wearing a pinstripe suit and pinky ring. I'll admit, I may have failed in that respect. I don't know.
Title: Re: Abducted by Oni.
Post by: Chibi-Reaper on March 22, 2011, 07:59:10 AM
New chapter is finished (fiiiiinally...), but FF.net is having issues with letting me post the thing right now. It should be up within 24 hours, probably. If not, I'll just post the chapter here, and fix it to a hyperlink once they do have their stuff working, or something...
Title: Re: Abducted by Oni.
Post by: Kips McKipzerson on March 22, 2011, 01:56:37 PM
I could'va sworn I've seen this story before, but I cant remember. Ah well, I guess I'll just read it all over again.
Title: Re: Abducted by Oni.
Post by: Chibi-Reaper on March 22, 2011, 07:18:34 PM
Aaand posted, links updated, etc. There's a couple fantastic typos in there, but seems like they're all in the note at the end, so I can't be bothered to fix it for just that.
Title: Re: Abducted by Oni.
Post by: Sect on March 22, 2011, 07:21:02 PM
Oh, hey, Chibi's alive.
Title: Re: Abducted by Oni.
Post by: Chibi-Reaper on March 22, 2011, 07:26:02 PM
Yup~

Well, for a given value of, anyway. College is HELL for grabbing free time.
Title: Re: Abducted by Oni.
Post by: Chibi-Reaper on April 04, 2011, 06:04:13 AM
New-chapter bump. Didn't turn out quite like I'd planned, but that's fine.
Title: Re: Abducted by Oni.
Post by: Sect on April 04, 2011, 07:02:12 AM
Dammit Chibi let me sleep.

Heh, yeah, fight went about as it should have:
I like that Ranma didn't get HAX SIGNED in his own domain, at least not immediately. Of course, since Reimu's the ultimate protagonist, she wins. Also, people in Gensokyo are dicks; I actually find it odd that Alice is one of the "nicer" ones here, when I think about it. Ranma gank was pretty damned awesome, as was the immediate Reimu gank: I'm not sure if those two are going to hate each other from now on, or become vitrolic best buds.

Oh, and Castlevania novel was a, well, novel idea. It being written in Italian's a bit interesting: I would have figured French or German.

EDIT: Also, out of curiosity, have you read Tohonifun's "Koumakyou" doujin series? It's an interesting look at Reimu and her hax powers.
Title: Re: Abducted by Oni.
Post by: Chibi-Reaper on April 04, 2011, 02:09:38 PM
"Ryoga, I... there's no easy way to put this. I've replaced you. With a girl that stands up to maybe your chest and only weighs about a third what you do. Sorry."

"....What."

 :3

Well, could go either way at this point, but I've got a few thoughts in that regard. Italian, I'll admit it, I just picked a europe-ey language at random. French, german, dutch, or viking would probably have done just as well. Will have to check, I know I've read some of that guy's stuff, but it's been a little while.

You are now recalling the Ranma Gank, only he's now howling "ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA" through the whole thing. You're welcome. ^_^
Title: Re: Abducted by Oni.
Post by: nolrai2 on April 05, 2011, 02:29:39 AM
I rather like you Gensokyo.  Its dark as hell but..